Sunday, 31 January 2010

The bra fitter with the wrestling moves

Less than eight weeks until the big day I left OH putting Isabella to bed and zipped up the motorway to our closest late night shopping centre.

I needed some new makeup so had the notion I could wander childless around the counters and try lots of products before purchasing something that would transform me into a ethereal vision of bridal loveliness.

First off I hit the MAC counter where the lady told me that they don't do their makeup trials after 7pm despite them having two staff and only me browsing. Asking about blushers was enlightening as the assistant proceeded to tell me the names of different shades and rub them onto my hand.

I decided Clarins might be more helpful and a friendly orange assistant duly sat me down and tried various shades of foundation on me as I couldn't remember my usual colour She complimented me on my beautiful skin then proceeded to conceal all evidence of this under an inch of rust coloured mousse. Startled to see I had sprouted a ginger lady 'tache I thanked her profusely and moved swiftly on.

Still not defeated despite looking like the love child of Chris Evans and Donatella Versace I decided third time lucky and slunk off to Bare Minerals. The super friendly assistant took pity on my tangerine hue, tissued off the worst streaks and sold me a lovely blusher.

Feeling particularly sadistic I headed off to lingerie to get my wedding undies. Explaining to the assistant my needs (smooth lines under dress, balconette or plunge style, nude coloured) she proceeded to hoist me into several bras. Yes gone are the days of the assistant slipping discreetly out of the changing room while you try the bra on then coming in to check, this dedicated assistant advised me to lean forwards, drop my boobs into the bra and she fastened the back up. To the casual observer this tiny framed woman could have been mistaken for giving me the Heimlich manoeuvre but to her credit she was very, very good at her job and found me a miraculous bra that was strapless yet uplifting with the added bonus of being seam free.

If any larger busted ladies are in the market for a strapless bra I would wholeheartedly recommend the Wonderbra Ultimate Strapless (A-F cup) as being a cleavage enhancing thing of beauty but whatever you do steer clear of the orange Clarins lady...


  1. Still laughing at the Chris Evans/Donatella love child: ooh you must have looked lovely!
    Just discovering your blog after linking up on twitter and have had a good chuckle this evening. Ta very much!

  2. LOL at lovechild comment!! Beauty/cosmetics counters can be hit and miss!! I'm sure you'll look fab on your wedding day! D x

  3. If only they did such miraculously amazing bras 6 cup sizes larger :(.

    I went for a weddibg make-up consultation and they made me look like Toyah off Corrie. I even have actual video evidence to cement the trauma.


  4. I remember getting my make consult at Boots in Nottingham, watched bizarrely by Christopher Biggins. Myself and my bridesmaid were beside ourselves (sad or what), the young orange foundation applier didn't even know who he was!!

    Shame you won't be tangoed on the big day, that would make me laugh immensely.

  5. Am LMAO a lot!! I love how you write!! :o) I have Bare minerals make up, looks amazing when they do it for you, looks shocking when you try to recreate on your own!! I had a Virgin Vie consultant come to my house and do mine, was lovely and no hint of orange in sight.....

  6. What a great time you had!! I've been thinking of getting myself measured properly and the fact that some strange woman will have to manhandle my boobs has always put me off!! Daft I know.

    CJ xx

  7. CJ she did do a fair bit of poking/prodding, much more than my previous fitters, it was intense! They do it all day long though, better to be that way rather than have something that's a poor fit! Go for it, if it is really bad at least you have blog fodder!

  8. Oh yes I've had that experience at Rigby & Peller (bra fitters to the Queen no less.) They certainly knew what they were doing. I had my bridal make up done no less than three times - Bobbi Brown, Clarins, and Mac (who made me look very goth). I felt bamboozled into buying loads. On the day itself, I ended up doing it myself in about 5 mins flat.

    How exciting - a wedding. When's the happy day?

  9. That's worrying that none did it how you wanted! Big day is 27th March - can't wait!! xxx

  10. Very funny post - hope you are not too traumatised! Make-up counter women terrify me!

  11. LMAO!!!! Can always count on you to make me laugh!

  12. BTW-do they have Bobbi Brown Makeup in the uk? It is fab and their makeup people are really good. A bit pricey but you are worth it!