Monday, 29 March 2010

Hitched - Part Two

This is the bit where the drinking began and my memory gets a little hazy.

Back at the village hall the caterers served champagne and canapes to the family and friends who came to the ceremony. Not all of them mind since some buggered off back to the hotel to change into their evening attire and claimed to know nothing about it. Lucky for us they were losers and not missed at all.

Having set up the hall the night before with the help of assorted family/friends all that was left to do was light the candles and enjoy. What I didn't know was that the big glass fishbowl centerpiece on one of the tables filled with water and floating candles had proved too tempting to my older brother and he'd popped to the local aquatic shop and got a goldfish for it. I got a bit of a shock when I went to light the candles! Isabella christened him Goldie and he now lives in the fishbowl with Swampy. Swampy seems chuffed to have a mate and happy to be upgraded from his trifle bowl.

The band arrived and were ace, so good in fact that my friend's four year old wants to marry one of the singers as he is "very handsome man" I have a fabulous photo of me with them on a break when I was trying to be discrete arranging for OH to thank our Mums and dish out presents. My drunken whisperings look more suspiciously like I was licking out his ear. Hell, maybe I was...

The kids were very well behaved, distracted mostly by the sweetie table and a side room with various board games and colouring implements. The baby room proved a hit with various small people spending time there being fed/rocked/changed and gushed over.

Isabella was a total star dancing and having fun with her friends - she even gave an impromto speech which was well received. She eventually nodded off on my sister-in-laws knee and slept through until Gwanny took her home.

I had a 'thing' for people to put messages on, many people managed to remain civil, some were vaguely complimentary, others attempted humour. The card postbox was full to the brim, my favourite being a handmade number by an exceptionally talented three year old who has captured my likeness perfectly.

When the hall kicked us out we made a dignified exit to my neighbour's house where he served me and several of my freaky mates drinks until OH and I staggered out and my friends stayed boozing there until 3.30am, Poor man is in rehab now, he said they were feral creatures.

On arriving home OH and I were delighted to discover that my brothers had popped round while we were out. The carpets were covered in dried spaghetti (nice and crunchy underfoot), the bed full of couscous (at least it's low GI), the ensuite lights had been disconnected and the toilet clingfilmed (the shinyness makes it too obvious to work). They had hung all my undies in the bedroom window. put a cycle lock around the wardrobe doors and screwed my showerhead into a funny position. Charming creatures had then popped mustard into the kettle, substituted the sugar for salt, tipped ginger powder into the milk, filled all our wellies by the back door with water and our oven glove with horseradish.

Sadly many of their efforts were unappreciated by my mother-in-law who popped round the next morning while we were still sleeping off the night's excesses. She donned her rubber gloves and de-yukked the kettle, washed out the sugar pot and bought us a ton of presents.

All things considered it was the best day of my life excluding only the birth of my daughter and I loved every minute of it. Surrounded by all my family and freaky mates, I wish we could do it all again very soon!


Well the boy and I finally did it and tied the knot on Saturday.

The sun was shining and the beautician booked to do makeup and nails rang in sick. My best pal/hairdresser stepped up to the fore taking me on a dash round the local boots to get some heavy duty slap and taking over the eyelashglueingon for all the ladies.

A local salon managed to fit me in to get my nails done at two hours notice but sadly it was the time I was supposed to be having my hair done so my friend had about 20 minutes to pin my hair up further pressured by my anxious neighbour keep reminding her we were going to be late.

I did my makeup myself and didn't once get mistaken for a chap which I take as being a roaring success.

The wedding car (a 1925 Bullnose Morris) had a top speed of 35 mph and didn't like hills or first gear which made for a very entertaining and fun journey!

The ceremony is a bit of a blur now, I remember my boyfriend's pal getting quite choked up doing his reading which made me a bit teary then my friend got really emotional on hers and had me in floods of tears. I noticed a blob of mascara on my dress just as we were about to sign the register but then realised it was my contact lens! I very hastily poked it back in much to the registrar's concern.

Isabella had lost all interest in the ceremony and proceeded to pull her dress up and sit kissing her knees alternately. She was wholly engrossed in the knee kissing which was a nice distraction from the crying/loss of sight in one eye.

Afterwards we went outside to take a few photos by the lake and the photographer walked backwards into a huge pile of dog poo which had my OH giggling for the rest of the day. Most of the photos feature Isabella jumping into midair or clutching onto a bag of Quavers that the wedding coordinator gave her. It was a gorgeous crisp day with a gentle breeze that made all my hair fall out of the pins and slap me round the face repeatedly.

After the ceremony we headed back to our village hall for drinks and dancing.

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Detoxing Dullness

I have now completed three days of the juice detox and it is so boring!

I don't have a physical hunger as the juices are really filling but omg I have food cravings. Beans on toast with brown sauce and grated cheese.... a cup of tea.... hummous, mixed beans and peppers on pitta bread... I can not stop thinking about food - it's only been three days!

Yesterday was really hard, I felt exhausted and had a pounding head. I ended up taking a nap with my little girl and sleeping 3pm-6.30pm! I was back in bed by 9pm and slept really deeply.

I cooked steak pie, root veg mash and greens for my boyfriend and daughter tonight for tea which I didn't fancy at all but I am dreaming of mashed sardines on warm pitta bread. Ahh well almost halfway there now...

Monday, 1 March 2010

It's D Day

Detox day :) Can't believe I'm saying this but I'm so happy to be detoxing.

We bought a juicer on a whim as I liked the idea of making fresh juices, stumbled upon a Jason Vale book about juicing and from today started his 7 day juice detox.

I have been feeling so sluggish and lethargic and I'm hoping this will give me a new lease of life!

Day one went ok, the juices were nice and I haven't felt hungry. Bring on the glowing skin and boundless energy!